I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.