I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm jealous of your bromance
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.