i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?