Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
