i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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