i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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