worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
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I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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