Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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