so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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