So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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