I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
