My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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