Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
