She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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