My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
