Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
