When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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