That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
