Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
