My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
