dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no you cant smoke seaweed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
