Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
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I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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