Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
