Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
