just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
