DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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