how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
