I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
