I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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