Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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