No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am naked and annoyed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
