It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
