She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
