Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
