Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
