she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
