i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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