I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
