I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
