Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
