ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
