when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
