I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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