I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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