Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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