i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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