True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
