Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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