she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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