I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
