Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
