That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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