Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
