i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
