You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I look better un-naked...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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