Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
