so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
