thus making me awesome and them whores
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
