I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
