sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
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just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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