I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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