So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.