is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.