please come you make the beer taste better
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.