I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
