the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
