I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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