so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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