her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
