dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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