I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
