Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
