who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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