Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
