The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
