he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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